I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
