You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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