Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
