he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
