Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize