Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
