we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
