Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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