i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
