i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
