Christians are straight up FREAKS
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
