i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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