she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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