who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
