did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
