Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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