Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
