There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
