if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
