singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
