you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize