i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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