All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
