so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
