once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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