Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
