I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
