if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
