I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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