Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
