we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and she was petting her beer can
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
