I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
