I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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