I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
