My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
