It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize