I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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