she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
