My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
