i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
