I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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