Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
