3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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