your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize