proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
