pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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