i love accidental penises.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
