Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize