Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
