If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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