he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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