Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
