My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
