I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
