Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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