textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
