Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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