i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize