I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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