I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
