In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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