then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
MIDGETS
????
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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