He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
