Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize