Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
