the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
try to milk me bitch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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